Natural Blonds Guide to Living with NEST
by Til' all are one
Summary: Look at the title. Now back. There, now you know :)
1. Chapter 1

**Heya** **there. What's this? A new story? (Well, 'new'. Yeah, that's the last thing we all need but, oh well.** **Maybe I'm hoping this'll make up for disappearing off the face of the universe all the time, I dunno. But hey, the thing with this story is, it's really old and therefore- besides sitting on my phone forever- has been written on forever. Like 'hundreds of flickin' rules' forever. The only thing is I have to brave going through the whole ordeal of transferring everything from my phone- there's where I've been working on it like an afthole- onto here. Fun stuff.**

 **I know it's been said time and again by me, but I'll go ahead and say it again. I'm sorry I just kind of abandon a story. The thing is, I'll get hyped up- well, used to, my writing creativity has nose dived off a cliff fifty times over- about a story I work on a great deal, want to post it, then end up stuck in a certain position. It's no excuse, I know, but it's the truth. The longest I've went on one story is near a couple hundred pages of notebooks paper, but it fell through in the end as well.**

 **Anyways, the thing with this is that** **I really like the concept of rule stories. I've read Tatyana Witwicky's, tyrantqueenofcons', and several others'. Which- eventually- led to me making my own. Pit, that was** **what seemed like forever ago though. So- saying that- this ain't** **gonna** **be the greatest thing I've ever written or make much sense at times, some rules having random bits from other stories I've made in the past. Just a warning. Oh, and to all grammar police, you're going to hate me. There is A** **LOT of slang in this. Just sayin'.**

 **Here ya'll** **go. Hope ya** **like it!**

 **Disclaimer: The idea of rule stories was created by a beautiful person with amazing ideas. I ain't** **that person. I only own MY OC's and all that.**

 _Yeah, hi. My designation (name to all you unknowing recruits) is Katlyn Marie Coleman. Please just call me by my first- or last on the rare occasion- name though. I don't really care which. I'm not really much around here, but I was nominated to make this particular set of rules. Yay. Anyways,- like the title suggests- this is a simple guide that natural blond's- like me- should be able to understand. Hopefully. I have to warn you that we're all insane though. Starting at the numerous humans, Autobots, neutrals, and former Decepticons_ _running about, to the likes of me._

 _(Note: If the twins, or anyone else manage to get ahold of the notebook, keyboard, phone, or anything else I feel like using, then I deeply apologize.)_

 _..._

 _ **Chapter 1**_

 **Rule #1**

Don't be an idiot, act like you have _some_ common sense

-There's a time and place to goof off

 **Rule #2**

Never incur the bots' wrath

-You'd think this would go without saying

-You'd also be wrong

 **Rule #3**

I use the blond's stereotype against myself

-Don't take it personally

-Only mean it towards myself

 **Rule #4**

Apparently I'm a good 'cuddler'

-Whateva ya say, Sides'

 **Rule #5**

No custom t-shirts

-Sarcasm (written in a heart over your heart. Or holo's spark)

-Deadpan (frying pan with 'dead' written on the front)

-Etc

 **Rule #6**

NEVER mess with Jazz's CD collection

-Or anyone/bots' for that matter

 **Rule #7**

Don't torment someone that has a head/helmache

-I baited Ratchet into taking Lennox off duty last week because of a splitting migraine

 **Rule #8**

Don't go around 'singing' ''you've been THUNDERSTRUCK!''

-It tends to gather some looks

-Your sanity will be questioned

-And Thundercracker will give you the weirdest glance

 **Rule #9**

Don't sneeze really loud and say afterwards ''I think Mt. Rushmore just erupted...''

-You will be questioned

-And corrected

-''Mt. Rushmore is a mountain, Katlyn.''

-''Hence the 'Mt' part''

 **Rule #10**

Never say the following around certain bots:

-''Primus fraggit!'' (Prime grounded me)

-''Holy fudgecakes!'' (Got some weird stares from numerous bots. Especially former 'cons)

-''Holy fragballs!'' Ratchet almost wrenched me)

-''Shootfire!'' (Said it around Ironhide. Who then shot Ratchet in the aft on accident)

-''TASTE THE FRAGGIN' RAINBOW!'' ('Cade just goes with it anymore. I've actually caught him saying it)

-''TASTE THE FRICKEN' SARCASM!'' (Star has taken this to a whole other level)

-And many more

-I tend to say the last two a lot

 **Rule #11**

Don't bring up flavored condoms

-Just no

 **Rule #12**

Don't show the bots parodies

-Especially Taylor Swift's 'Bad Blood' parody

 **Rule #13**

This is to the female population of NEST:

-DON'T HIT ON SIDESWIPE OR SUNSTREAKER OR I'LL BREAK YOUR FACE

-Give it a try. Go ahead. I won't have to pay the bills

 **Rule #14**

This is to any and all Cybertronian's:

-DON'T ALTER YOUR HOLOFORMS TO BE SOMEONE ELSE!

-Aforementioned will more than likely kick your aft to Kentucky

 **Rule #15**

When a persons voice cracks, don't make fun of them

-Sam's and mine do it A LOT

-Sam when he's distressed

-Mine just because it's a traitor

 **Rule #16**

Don't steal a humans' wallet

-Sideswipe and Sunstreaker- the geniuses they are- found Epps' in the Rec. Room and ended up going on a shopping spree

-I felt so bad that I paid him the four hundred fifty two dollars back

-I also may have apologized profusely for over twenty minutes...

-Then the twins walked in

-I ranted for an hour, then beat them over the helms

-Broke a few bones

-Ratchet was not amused

-(Neither were Sides' and Sunny)

-Especially since I didn't go to the medbay until he noticed my disfigured hand and drug me there...

 **(Author's Note: Soooo, terrible? No? Yes? Go ahead and tell me if you'd like. Any flames will be fed to the bonfires my neighbors like to have to ward off bugs though. And hey, if anyone wants this insanity to continue, go ahead and make my aft get in gear if you feel like it. Up to you though.)**

 _Til_ _all are one_


	2. Chapter 2

**THIS IS THE EDITED VERSION!**

 **Thank you everyone who's read and dealt with this- my- insanity! I really appreciate it! And HUGE thanks to Uzumaki Nagisa- I'm so sorry if I spelled** **that wrong- for favoriting and following!**

 **And sorry by the way for the bugs yesterday. I have a lot of stupid problems on this site. It's pretty pathetic.**

Michaelā **, Jazlyn, and anyone else mentioned in this are my OC's. Their personality and all that can be found throughout some of these rules randomly. I might go more into detail in a separate chapter if you all want though.**

 **Hope you all enjoy!**

 _ **Chapter 2**_

 **Rule #17**

The lost and found is a wondrous place

-There are so many clothes there that it's not even funny

-A lot of people do their 'shopping' there

-Epps and Sideswipe want to turn it into a mini mall

 **Rule #18**

If one of the soldiers/civilians cannot tie their shoes, do not make fun of them

-I've had to teach over fifty soldiers

-Gotta learn somehow

-And yelling ''LACE DOGGONE IT!'' does NOT help!

 **Rule #19**

Never bring up Galloway

-First time I met him was the last time I met him

-I almost killed him

-No joke, Optimus Ironhide, Barricade, Lennox AND Epps had to restrain me

-Didn't stop me from kicking him in the nether regions

-He will no longer be able to have kids

-Not that he would have

 **Rule #20**

Vending machies are a treat

-Do not abuse them

-Especially since most of them are sentient

 **Rule #21**

If you see Michaelā hugging the refrigerators, don't be alarmed

-She just likes food

-A lot

-...Has a high metabolism

 **Rule #22**

How do we distinguish the Michaelā's?

-Simple

''HEY, YOU! NO, OTHER YOU!'' Or, ''HEY! NO, MY MIKAELA!''

-Easy

-Really though, we usually have to enunicate using their last of nickname

 **Rule #23**

 **1)** Ratchet is not bipolar

 **2)** Jazz does not have a personality disorder

 **3)** Prowl does not have anger issues (usually)

-Period

 **Rule #24**

No, we are not going to get elevators/escalators

-There's no point

 **Rule #25**

Never go down to the basement

-It's creepy as frag

 **Rule #26**

No, we cannot put a shock collar on Sideswipe

-(Or anyone/bot else)

-Don't bring it up again

 **Rule #27**

Foam soap is not for playing with

-No matter how fun it is

-We are no longer allowed to have it

-In the public areas anyways

-(Have my own stash)

 **Rule #28**

Do NOT mess with my Life Savers

-They're MINE!

-Can have a bag or couple if you ask, but not ten!

-This crew doesn't need any more candy as it is

 **Rule #29**

Go Fish is fun

-Until you go overboard

-Don't ruin it for those who enjoy the game

 **Rule #30**

Flicking each other with rubber bands is NOT cool

 **Rule #31**

Never ask to borrow somebot's spark

-Without clarifying if need be

-Freaks them out

-No clue why

-(I just wanna listen to the beats)

 **Rule #32**

Sideswipe is good at math

-He gives Prowl a run for his credits

 **Rule #33**

Anyone that misbehaves, or acts like a complete idiot are on cleaning duty

-Wiping tables, doing dishes, washing the floors, you name it

-This applies to humans, 'bots, and former 'cons

-Ya'll have holoforms for a reason

 **Rule #34**

Sitting on someone in your seat always works

-Used to do it to Ali (my sister) all the time

-I now do it to the twins all the time

-Course, I'm usually forced...

 **Rule #35**

Don't bother the Seekers when they're sunbathing

-The only ones who can maybe approach during this time are Michaelā, Mikaela, Emily, (whom usually chill with them), Optimus, Prowl, Ratchet, Ironhide (depending), Barricade, Bonecrusher, Blackout and me (I usually bedge out right beside them)

-Oh, and the femmes

-Only because they're scary

-Anyone/bot else will have more-crazed-than-normal Trinemates on their hands/servo's

 **Rule #36**

Don't test Starscream's vocal capacity

-Mech can make your ears/audios bleed

-''So can you, youngling.''

-''Touche.''

 **Rule #37**

Warn the Cybertronian newbies of the darkening tendencies of hair when wet

-They'll think you 'magically' colored it

 **Rule #38**

Always warn the 'bots/former 'cons when you straighten your hair

-Especially when your hair is- in fact- naturally curly

-It's not very often in my case so that made it worse

-Came back to base with a couple inches hacked off and flat blondness and what happens?

-Chaos

-The only ones who understood were Jazz and Bumblebee

-I swear they're the smartest of them all

-Scary, huh?

 **Rule #39**

Don't let Mariah 'practice' wearing heels

-Almost kills herself

-Then walks like a deranged cop (no offense) due to her feet being sore

 **Rule #40**

Word or the wise: NEVER stick something in your shirt to try to keep it away from one of the bots

-They won't hesitate to go after it

-Still not talkin' to Star

 **Rule #41**

Banging your head against a wall, doorframe, notebook, bot, people, what/whoever does NOT work

-Don't even try

-Trust me

 **Rule #42**

The song 'Pretty Handsome Awkward' is to be listened to behind closed doors

 **Rule #43**

Don't misuse you holoforms

-Ratchet can remove the program

-It'd also be a learnin' experience for Mikaela and me

 **Rule #44**

Yes, the meat on base often looks like the sheep stomach from Brave, but don't say that to the cooks faces

-They'll give you three or more extra helpings

-And make you eat it

-(Lucky Jazlyn is a vegetarian)

 **Rule #45**

Be careful with ovens, microwaves and toasters

-Several people have almost caught the base on fire

-(Eleven times and counting)

-Microwaves like to spit arks of lightning and scare the crap outta me

-(Every frickin' one, I swear!)

-And toasters are fine as long as nothing is burnt

-Ever had burnt pop tarts?

-Gross

 **Author's Note: Hope you all enjoyed! :)**

 _ **(If you noticed any mistakes, please tell me. I haven't read over this on here.)**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys. Here's ya'll** **another chapter! Oh, and by the way, there really isn't an update schedule- for now- on this thing. I'll probably try to post every to every other day or so though.**

 **THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO HAS READ THIS! I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH, YOU HAVE NO IDEA!**

 **Hope you all enjoy!**

 _ **Chapter 3**_

 **Rule #46**

 **Don't pound your head against something (ex: fist) and say nonchalantly ''maybe I'll** **break something/get a concussion''**

- **1)** The bots will be on your aft, with a couple humans in tow

- **2)** You'll have a Pit-Fury Michaelā O'Dell on your hands/servo's

 **Rule #47**

 **Bashing your head against a wall/door doesn't cure a headache**

-Don't try

-I'd know

 **Rule #48**

 **Don't clean your weapons in pointed movements**

-Freaks recruits out

-That one guys' expressions was priceless though

 **Rule #49**

 **Don't say you're fat around Ratchet**

-He will go on a tirade

-Which can and will put you to sleep

(Michaelā will be right there with him)

 **Rule #50**

 _ **A)**_ **Don't go days to weeks without eating or drinking**

-The bots WILL find out

-Barricade's a snitch

 **Rule #51**

 _ **B)**_ **Don't go without sleeping either**

-Was trying to break my record!

 **Rule #52**

 **I regret to inform you that Johnny Test is banned**

-I am so depressed

-(Well, more than usual _apparently_ )

 **Rule #53**

 **Don't try to fall off a cliff**

-One of the Seekers will save you

-Don't try using a building or anything else either

-I've tried

 **Rule #54**

 **Using a doorframe to twist your body to pop your back until it feels like you're gonna** **snap in half almost always works**

-Just make sure someone's around to make sure you don't off yourself

 **Rule #55**

 **Watch your fly**

-Mine was all the way unzipped one day

-(Twins didn't mind apparently)

-Epps runs around with his down a lot

-(Completely 'accidental' of course)

-Optimus didn't notice his was one day

-(Woaahhhh)

 **Rule #56**

 **Most 'bots and former 'cons are repulsed by pickles**

-The only exception being- surprisingly- Ratchet

-Optimus can't stand them

-I think Ironhide secretly doesn't mind 'em

 **Rule #57**

 **No drinks around monitors**

-Want a drink?

-Step outside the room, or away from sensitive equipment

 **Rule #58**

 **No food or drinks in ANY Cybertronian**

-I've refitted and shampooed more interiors than I'd care to admit

 **Rule #59**

 **All neutrals/civilians are to remain in their sector if we are on lockdown**

-(And no, I don't care if it's game day)

-Unless you have express permission from an officer,- not including yourself- your aft better be where it's supposed to

-Or you get stuck with someone

-Those are the only exceptions

-But you still have to comm. somebody if it's at all possible

 **Rule #60**

 **All former 'cons:**

-Please remain calm if a newbie lands and proceeds to attack you

-We'll- hopefully- try to keep that from happening, but just in case

-(This is also a 'let you know' to everyone else as well)

 **Rule #61**

 **No wild animals**

-Emily (my cousin) brought in a horse

-She's had an obsession with them her whole life

-Prowl denied her request to keep him on base

-He didn't say anything about outside though

-Joseph currently resides in his own makeshift stable outside towards the front

 **Rule #62**

 **Don't let Skywarp** **fill out a lot of reports**

-He sucks at filling them out

-''Uh, well, we fought this mech and that mech, won, then went home.''

-No, 'Warp, just no

 **Rule #63**

 **Don't leave Mariah and Skywarp** **alone unsupervised**

-*Shudders*

 **Rule #64**

 **If you want me to fill out a report, prepare for it to be very long, and- quite possibly- turn into a 'story' of sorts**

-I suck at summaries

-Always have

-I go too far with the details

-Can't help it

 **Rule #65**

 **Don't go through my phone**

-Especially the texts

-You'll find something that will most definitely scar you

-Mariah and my conversations indefinitely

-Let alone the twins

 **Rule #66**

 **All NEST personnel peoples:**

-Doesn't matter if you're human

-Bot

-CIvilian

-Always find somebody if Red Alert is glitching

-Ratchet or Optimus are your best bet, but anyone works

-Or Em or me

 **Rule #67**

 **Don't accuse me for something just because you ''couldn't find me''**

-I am usually pretty easy to locate

-Ish

-Rec. Room, Training Room, twins and my quarters, Michaelā and Jazlyn's quarters, Logan's quarters, Mariah's and Marlyn's, Optimus' office, the medbay...

-If I'm not in one of those places, then I'm either lost, dead, or off base

-And that hardly ever happens

-Besides, all you have to do is ask someone, and if they don't know, ask somebody else

-(Primus knows everyone watches me like a fraggin' hawk)

-Or you could do it the old fashioned way like 'Warp and I

-''HEY, SQUISHY, WHERE ARE YA?!''

-''REC. ROOM.''

-''THANKS!''

-I also have a phone, ya know

 **(Author's Note: We're already almost on seventy. Geez.)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Heya** **there! How ya'll** **doin'? And yeah, I haven't given up on this thing- yet. I really have no excuse, except that I have a short fuse when it comes to technology, and I kinda** **honestly forgot to post... Yeah, I'm a terrible person. Sorry, guys!**

 **FAIR WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER: If you don't like mech/mech pairings and** **the like, then you're reading the wrong story. Just sayin'. Oh, and- as you'll notice- there is a good bit of Cybertronian** **cursing, but not our own. My** **choice. Sounds hypocritical, but that's how it goes for me. And the bots' cusses have become a habit I can't break more than anything... Which is bad when you have a five year old** **sister. There's also other references that I should** **probably have already mentioned, but yeah. Hence the rating on this son of a gun.**

 **I'm gonna** **go ahead and post two chapters since I've been slackin', and I don't know when I'll post next. Could be tomorrow,-** **doubtful- the next week, Pit, two weeks from now, I don't know.**

 **I'll go ahead and shut up now, but quick thanks to everybody who's followed, read this thing and all that. I really appreciate it!**

 _ **Chapter**_ _**4**_

 **Rule #68**

 **Don't complain about the food**

-They make double whenever we have chicken

-Chicken is NEVER to be denied

 **Rule #69**

 **Slacking off will not be tolerated**

-(HAH)

-NEST soldiers will be mercilessly cut from this branch and cast out to the far reaches of Canada

 **Rule #70**

 **A) Leave all femmes alone**

-They're all taken

-Elita and Optimus

-Chromia and Ironhide

-Arcee and Bumblebee

-Everyone knows that

 **Rule #71**

 **B) Same with most mechs**

-Prowl and Jazz

-Ratchet and Wheeljack

-Red and Inferno (no matter if the latter hasn't landed yet) Starscream, Skywarp and Thundercracker

-Barricade, Blackout and Bonecrusher

-Emily and Bluestreak

-The Twins and me

 **Rule #72**

 **Humans:**

-If you have a problem with the 'bots/used-to-be-'cons' relationships, kindly keep it to yourself

-Several have frowned upon Jazz and Prowl, Red and Inferno, Ratchet and Wheeljack, Star and them's and 'Cade, 'Out and 'Crusher's

-1) they've each been with each other longer that the Earth has fricken existed. 2) They aren't as taboo about that stuff. 3) It's none of your Primus danged business

-And Emily is apparently 'too young' to be with Blue

-If you think for one second that if I thought their relationship isn't compatible that'd I'd allow it then you are blissfully ignorant

-The Twins and my relationship IS complicated and confusing but- again- it's OUR business

-And they are literally each other's other half

 **Rule #73**

 **Mechs, please be cautious around certain females**

-Some are extremely sensitive about some things

-And/or won't hesitate to kick your aft

 **Rule** **#74**

 **Don't mess with my MTN Dew machine!**

-MINE!

-He's a bot but STILL!

-And no, just 'cause we're family doesn't mean you can get free Dew

-And if I see ONE more person kick him Imma go off

 **Rule #75**

 **Don't fart in a 'bot/former 'con...**

-It's demeaning

-And embarrassing

 **Rule #76**

 **The 'bots/had-been 'cons have heavy pedsteps** **that shake the building**

-But you get used to it

-Don't yell, "EARTHQUAKE! EVERYBODY TAKE COVER!"

-It doesn't help things

-Bots will panic

 **Rule #77**

 **Don't mess with Chuck the MTN Dew machine**

-He is Cybertronian

-And won't hesitate to chuck MTN Dew cans at your face

-Hence the designation

 **Rule #78**

 **Leave Wheelie alone**

-So he's shorter than the bots

-Big deal

-So he's perverted as all heck

-So is everybot/body else

-So I tend to scoop him up and cuddle him like a sparkling

-He don't care

-Twins kinda do though

 **Rule #79**

 **Don't bring up Power Rangers**

-No one can flippin' stand them

-You will be ignored

-Or beaten

-Mah money's on the latter

 **Rule #80**

 **If you run out of paper, ask me**

-I always have paper

-If I don't, then the apocalypse is happening

 **Rule #81**

 **Stay out of my drawers**

-You don't wanna see my junk

-Only 'interesting' thing you might find is a t-shirt

-Go hit up the Michaelā(kaela's')

 **Rule #82**

 **Please pants someone if it's as a lesson**

-Some guys just let their jeans sag waaay too much

-So this is the best medicine

-'Hide and Prowl are the best ones for the job

-Sets 'em straight real quick

 **Rule #83**

 **If you want me to proof read your reports, just ask**

-It's no problem

-Optimus even asks me to read over his sometimes

 **Rule #84**

 **Don't mess with Ultra Magnus**

-He's Optimus' brother for one thing

-And won't hesitate to lock your aft up

-We are well 'acquainted'

-Through the twins' behavior, that is

-(Mostly Sideswipe's)

 **Rule #85**

 **We have enough money for ONE movie trip**

-That's all

-And everybody has to agree

-I personally wanna watch TMNT *shrugs*

-Everybody except Ratchet and Red agree

-Those two don't count

-Wheelie wants to mainly 'cause of the chick that looks like Mikaela...

 _ **Author's Note: Sorry**_ _**these two chapters are**_ _**really short.**_

 _ **Hope ya'll**_ _**enjoyed! :)**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

 **Rule #86**

 **Don't bring up Wheelie's obsession with the chick on TMNT that looks like Mikaela**

-He starts daydreaming

-*shudder*

-I honestly don't see it

-Chick wears too much makeup to be our Mikaela

 **Rule #87**

 **I'm frickin' deaf, okay?**

-(NOT LITERALLY)

-Don't give me slag about being a glitch if I don't respond

-I just didn't hear ya

 **Rule #88**

 **Don't let the bots watch Pixels**

-Wheeljack wanted to make a machine that could bring video games to life

-Sideswipe wanted to use said machine- despite it not being in existence yet- to battle in an epic game

-Skywarp wanted to join him

-Ironhide wanted to go against Donkey Kong

-The Michaelā(kaela's) wanted a live version of Qbert

 **Rule #89**

 **Me no like vegetables**

-Do not force them upon me

-Pass that bunny food to Jazlyn

 **Rule #90**

 **Do not watch Ghost Rider around some of the bots**

-Use your imagination

 **Rule #91**

 **No, the cassette twins do not like to read**

-Don't even try

-They'll only listen if I read to them

-And Soundwave

-But he's Soundwave

 **Rule #92**

 **No giant forts**

-They're flippin' fun though!

 **Rule #93**

 **The Incredibles is banned**

-We don't need the 'cons making weapons and such like on there

 **Rule #94**

 **Skywarp** **loves Teen Titans Go!**

-Do not interrupt him at this time

-He gets cranky

 **Rule #95**

 **Everybot** **on this base likes Major Payne**

-(Even if some won't admit it)

-We watch it all the time

-This is the one and only time the 'cons come and chill

-Greatest peace treaty if ya ask me

 **Rule #96**

 **Scooby Doo Kiss is an awesome movie**

-Whenever someone watches it, it is an unspoken agreement that they let everyone know when they start singing 'I Was Made For Lovin' You' with the volume on fifty

-Doesn't matter what's happening

-The 'cons could be attacking and we'd make them pause so we could watch it

-They agree thankfully

 **Rule #97**

 **If you find me laying on Skywarp** **with him playing with my hair, just continue on**

-He just likes to play with my curls

-We've found this method easier when we're laying down

 **Rule #98**

 **You can play with my hair, really don't care**

-Except if I don't like you

-Then you can just flip off

 **Rule #99**

 **If someone is craving chocolate milk, do not accuse them of being bitten by a Hovartian** **brain tick**

-Freaks them out

-Kudo's to whomever can reference that

 **Rule #100**

 **Sideswipe likes chocolate milk**

 **Skywarp** **likes strawberry milk**

-Do not mix the two preferences up

-The two of them saw Michaelā and Jazlyn drinking them

-They were curious

-They bugged Ratchet, Wheeljack and Starscream until they made it possible for their holoforms to be able to drink and eat

-They now love it as much as I do MTN Dew

-Kinda cute actually

-I always make sure to get at least twenty bottles of chocolate and strawberry syrup and several gallons of white milk on our monthly trips to Wallyworld

-Makes them happy

-That makes me happy

 **Rule #101**

 **Do not question 'Cade's** **'To Punish and Enslave' logo**

-He will just smirk

-And continue on with his life cycle

-Besides, I like it

 **Rule #102**

 **Beware me after I take a shower**

-Yeah, I don't dry my hair very good...

-Mom would call it 'drip drying it'

-That's exactly what I do

-If you touch/hug me you will get soaked

 _ **Author's Note: Hope ya'll**_ _**enjoyed!**_


	6. Chapter 6

**HOLY SLAG WE'VE REACHED NEARLY FOUR HUNDRED VIEWS!**

 **Hey, guys! Thank you everyone who has read, favorited, etc** **this random bout of craziness! I know I say it in every chapter, but I mean it! I am so thankful!**

 **(Rule 104 is brought to you by a YouTuber I really like. His name's Robby.)**

 _ **Chapter 6**_

 **Rule #103**

 **Don't interrupt my YouTube**

-I'll find someone new

-Be addicted to them for awhile, watch all their videos, then move on

-Or something

 **Rule #104**

 **Don't thigh slap someone/bot**

-You really don't wanna face the consequences

 **Rule #105**

 **I cannot say for sure if you can carve a pumpkin**

-Ask Optimus

-Doesn't matter your rank

-(Lennox, Epps)

-Ask him

-He'll probably say yes

-But be sure to explain

-And include him!

-(I'll get the stuff)

 **Rule #106**

 **No, I am not Rapunzel from Tangled**

-My hair is not that long

-I don't have magic healing powers

-Be cool if I did though

 **Rule #107**

 **Pitch Perfect is banned to all but Skywarp**

-Only so we don't have to listen to him whine

-He loves Anna Kendrick

-Only others allowed to watch are if he gives you his express permission

-Which is very few

-Around five people/bots

 **Rule #108**

 **Apparently, you aren't allowed to not dress up at meetings**

-I'm gonna allow Lennox to cover this one:

-Alright, we were having this important meeting and Katlyn was allowed to show up since it had to do with her

-(Classified, sorry)

-I didn't tell her to dress up since I figured she knew to dress appropriately

-Two o'clock rolls around and here she comes

-Dressed in a frickin' Metallica shirt, a black jacket, (Katlyn: mainly for the hood!) her camouflage boots that look like they haven't been washed in five years (Katlyn: eight. Get it right, Lennox!) and the most faded blue jeans that have holes that make them look like she just lost a fight with scissors

-No one cared thankfully

-Except for Galloway

-We like to say he doesn't count

-Katlyn: yeah, 'cause he doesn't

 **Rule #109**

 **Do not take my hair thing**

-I have a habit of wearing one around my right wrist when I don't already have my hair up

-Sometimes,- a lot- it's really tight and looks like it might cut my circulation off

-Apparently, it drives some people/bots crazy (Ratchet, Optimus, Bumblebee, Sam, Lennox, Epps, Red, Skywarp, Starscream, the twins, etc)

-To name a few

-Unless you want to buy me more and transport them, then I suggest you zip it

-I have two

-One now that Prowl took my other one

 **Rule #110**

 **Don't pester me about my boots**

-The camouflage ones?

-Yeah, my dad gave them to me

-They're a little big,-mom and dad used to say that I walk like a clown in them- so I lace them pretty tight

-And I just like to period

-Do not be alarmed if I take them off and my legs have deep, red imprints on them

 **Rule #111**

 **Can make Oreo stuffed chocolate chip cookies if you ask Lennox**

-Tis what I did

 **Rule #112**

 **In the clean version of 'Never Enough' by Eminem, it is funny that they bleep out 'nuts'**

-Just don't point it out around Annabelle

-Shouldn't even listen to him around her

-I even don't

 **Rule #113**

 **Do not interrupt Sideswipe's daily SpongeBob at 6 PM**

-He gets cranky

-Skywarp joins him most of the time

-Leave him be too

 **Rule #114**

 **Mortal Combat is BEYOND banned**

-No matter how much you whine, just no

 **Rule #115**

 **No, I do not own the Amulet of Avalore** **that allows me to talk to Ravage**

- **1)** She ain't an animal

- **2)** IT'S CALLED TELEPATHY, DUMBAFTS!

 **Rule #116**

 **I really shouldn't have to write this...**

 **Humans: NO. Surprise. Visitors**

-Got family droppin' by?

-Go ahead

-Just- I dunno- WARN US IN ADVANCE

-We are a SECRET organization for a reason, people!

 **Rule #117**

 **Blow dryers are not to be used within audio range of the bots**

-No exceptions

 **Rule #118**

 **No sucking up needless WiFi**

-Watching Netflix?

-That's great

-Just turn it off if you're not watching it

-Thanks

 _ **Author's Note:**_ **I'm not super impressed with a majority of these, but oh well. Hopefully the set in the next chapter will be better.**

 **Thanks so much for reading! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: This was gonna** **be up the night before last, but that didn't happen.**

 **Soo, I purposefully tried to make this one longer** **to- hopefully- make up for last chapter and the other ones that have been depressingly short. 'Cause** **honestly,** **I** **don't** **measure** **out** **how** **many** **I'm** **posting, I** **just** **highlight** **some,** **go** **through the** **process-** **and** **yes,** **it** **definitely is** **one,** **for me-** **and** **then BAM! new chapter. Not the smartest or easiest method, but oh well. And maybe I'll stop slackin' and start counting them. Who knows.** **Oh, and yeah, this is definitely not longer. Pretty sure it's shorter. Sorry!**

 **THANKS A MILLION TO EVERYONE THAT'S READ THIS DUSTY OLD THING! I KNOW IT'S CRINGY IN SOME PARTS AND I'M SORRY! I TRY TO MONITOR THEM, BUT YEAH. I'LL** **STOP WITH THE CAPS LOCKING NOW.**

 **Hope ya'll** **enjoy!**

 _ **Chapter**_ _**7**_

 **Rule #119**

 **Only two bots have** **permission** **to use my personal** **WiFi**

-Optimus and Barricade

-Optimus doesn't use it a lot

-Barricade uses it as much as me

-Everyone else uses it twenty four seven

 **Rule #120**

 **Do not call the bots 'it'**

-Or anything of the sort

-I will kill you

 **Rule #121**

 **Yes, you can keep Mr. Cart**

-Just don't go riding him through the halls

 **Rule #122**

 **No, I will not get social media**

-Stop asking

 **Rule #123**

 **All Autobots** **and not-anymore 'cons can have any form of social media they want**

-So long as your guys' secret stays just that

-A secret

-I find it hilarious that the illustrious leader of the Autobots has a Twitter

 **Rule #124**

 ***Sigh* okay, okay, okay.**

-Human soldiers and any other idiots: Do not slack on reports

-You all went to some form of learning place

-Might've dropped out

-Might've tuned everything out

-But I know you know the English language

-(If you don't, kindly remove yourself)

-SO FRAGGIN' USE IT!

-I don't use the best grammar when I'm talking at times, but I am TALKING

 **Rule #125**

 **Don't pop balloons for fun**

-It hurts Cybertronian's audios

-And is a good way to get shot and/or viciously maimed

 **Rule #126**

 **Toaster Strudels are banned**

-Don't ask me why

-All I know is Prowl came in and yelled at me 'til I typed this

 **Rule #127**

 **If we have to travel for an extended period of time- especially in alt- please bring stuff to stay entertained**

-And can Sideswipe and/or Sunstreaker and Barricade please help me with my entertainment?

-I'm not trying to sound lazy

-I'll just end up forgetting EVERYTHING

-That won't end well

 **Rule #128**

 **Please warn all Cybertronian's** **about fireworks**

-It was nearly World War III over here

 **Rule #129**

 **Don't mess with my blanket**

-That's MY Blankie!

-MINE!

 **Rule #130**

 **Leave Big Dog ALONE**

-Big Dog is a giant- sorta- stuffed animal German Shepard I've had since I was like five

-I named him after a Shepard my papaw used to have

-I loved him dearly

-He had to be put down though 'cause of age and other stuff

-Big Dog is all I have left of him

-I sleep with him every night

-There are only a few exceptions to this

-Michaelā, Jazlyn, Mariah, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Elita and Optimus

-Anyone/bot else will suffer my wrath

 **Rule #131**

 **Yes, I named my dads** **2010 Chevy Silverado Rage and my moms** **2007 Cobalt Pumpkinator** **when I was little**

-Don't judge me

-Rage 'cause I liked the name

-(Or the word as a name)

-And Pumpkinator 'cause he was orange

-Dad still has Rage

-Pumpky is sadly upstairs

-I still mourn the fact

 **Rule #132**

 **We aren't allowed to have an ice machine**

-Unless one comes to life and stumbles upon us

-You _can_ trek the fifty thousand miles to the nearest USave though

-No one will take you most likely though

-Have fun walking!

 **Rule #133**

 **Respect what the bots do and do not like to eat/drink**

-Ratchet and Starscream made holoforms capable of intaking this stuff to appease them

-NOT tick them off

 **Rule #134**

 **Leave Ravage ALONE**

-She is a relatively calm femme

-Until bothered

-I will know when/if you do something

 **Rule #135**

 **Don't leave your trash wherever**

-We literally have three hundred fifty seven trash cans in this building

-Em and I counted

-Failure also results in a fine of twenty days of cleaning the island

 **Rule #136**

 **Don't reenact Tom and Jerry**

-No one will clean up your mess

-Except you of course

 **Rule #137**

 **PLEASE blare George Thorogood and the Destroyers over the intercom**

-Gotta love Bad to the Bone

 _ **Author's Note:**_

 _ **Thanks for reading!**_

 _ **(And leave a review if you feel like it... Only if you want to though.) :)**_


	8. Chapter 8

**I don't have much to say except that it's hot here- I feeling like I'm melting- and I should continue studying for my learners, but nah.**

 **Special thanks to DaLadyofSouls- cool username- and gc** **for ya'lls** **reviews! Much MUCH** **appreciated! And THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH TO EVERYONE ELSE WHO'S FOLLOWED, FAVORITED AND READ THIS THING!**

 **Oh, and to gc: Thanks for the comment! And I'm so sorry but I'm not entirely sure what you meant... I was just kind of assuming you meant Ratchet, Prowl, Red Alert, And Wheeljack** **seeing a psychiatrist or hypnotist? I'm terribly sorry if I'm wrong** **and feel free to correct** **me. But this first rule goes out to** **you if I actually was right! It probably doesn't live up to your expectations though. Sorry, I tried!**

 _ **Chapter 8**_

 **Rule #138**

 **No more 'magic'**

-Fig, Epps

-You're bad influences

-You got Skywarp, Sideswipe and several other troublemakers into this

-Prowl, Red, Ratchet, and Jackie all had to see Smokescreen after a prank involving jazz hands, a card deck, some fuzzy dice, hypnotism, and the disappearance of some sensitive equipment- including wrenches, scanners, a monitor, most of Prowl's datapads, and Wheeljack's latest invention

-Yeah, I don't even wanna know the extent of what they did

-I truly don't

 **Rule #139**

 **No more hotels**

-Too sketchy

 **Rule #140**

 **Don't post sticky notes everywhere**

-Reminders only

-Putting "Megatron sucks poles" is NOT a reminder

-And couldn't you think of something more original?

 **Rule #141**

 **Beware me if I just put on deodorant**

-Yeah

-Mah bad...

 **Rule #142**

 **Do not dis Halestorm**

-Chick is AWESOME

-One of the few female artists I actually listen to

-PROWL doesn't mind them

-He HATES rock

-Sayin' somethin' righ' there

-Everybody likes 'Storm

-Except everybody's most hated person ever known

-Galloway

-Whenever he's on base, several like to 'accidentally' play it around him

-Deafeningly

-It's greatly encouraged. Especially by Optimus

-(Sshhhh)

-Which is just pure awesomeness

-Oh, know what song 'Way hates exceptionally?

-I Am The Fire

-That's my favorite song of theirs

-I- definitely not on purpose- let it blare from any speakers nearby when around him

-Fraggin' serves the douche

 **Rule #143**

 **Yes, we all despise Galloway**

-Don't remind us

-Even the frickin' Decepticons do

-(Despite already hating humans)

-Megatron has collaborated in running him off before

-That's how bad it is

-He'll 'drop by' and scare the living fizballs out of him

-We help

-Morshower was informed long ago and is completely okay with it

-It's not treason if the boss don't care!

 **Rule #144**

 **Any and all of my fellow fleshies:**

-You are indefinitely allowed to dye your hair

-Ignore Galloway's fat mouth

-We like to say he doesn't exist

-Really doesn't

 **Rule #145**

 **Be weary** **of storms**

-Two words: Newbie Cybertronian's

 **Rule #146**

 **There is not a certain time to go to bed/berth around base**

-Unless someone- **cough** Ratchet **cough-** says otherwise

-Do whatever

-Just don't wake everyone else up if you stay up late

 **Rule #147**

 **Be cautious with water in the halls**

-There are outlets EVERYWHERE

-We don't need a repeat of that one time

 **Rule #148**

 **I shed like a Keiko**

-Sorry

-Comes with long hair

 **Rule #149**

 **Don't hole yourself up in a blanket**

-I hid under Sideswipe and Sunstreaker's

-It's Cybertronian sized

-Works for not being found

-But not for breathing

 **Rule #150**

 **Keep Skywarp** **AWAY from emoji's**

-The horror!

 **Rule #151**

 **The fake squishy worms, lizards, etc** **for fishing are fun**

-Don't use them to freak people/bots out though

 **Rule #152**

 **No revealing clothes**

-You will be immediately eliminated

-From base

 **Rule #153**

 **No, we cannot make a movie**

-Case closed

-Doesn't mean you can make a show either

-Videos

-Or anything else

 **Rule #154**

 **Don't follow the '19 Ways** **to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity' like a code of conduct**

-You will crash

-And burn

 **Rule #155**

 **Michaelā, Mikaela, Mariah, Jazlyn, Marlyn and I are each other's self-appointed moms**

-While being sisters all in one

-It's kinda confusing

-But only to those not us

-Or 'Cade

 **Rule #156**

 **Korn is banned**

-Except behind deadlocked doors

 **Rule #157**

 **Don't make fun of me if I go to put my hair up, get it in position, then find I forgot my hair thing on the bedpost**

-Again

-I do this a lot

-I'll just calmly stalk back to my room- holding my hair up- and grab it

-Really not that funny guys

-If I'm not close to my room then I will bum one off somebody

-Epps carries them...

 **Rule #158**

 **If there's an army of pop cans around my bed, then make sure I'm not in a 'mood'**

-I was forced to put this

 **Rule #159**

 **Most of the bots HATE worms**

-Red glitches at the sight of them

-Bonecrusher is weary of them

-Blackout is terrified

-Barricade- oddly- doesn't mind them

 **Rule #160**

 **I hate cats**

-Sorry to anyone I offended

-But I do

-Keep the fur balls away

 **Rule #161**

 **PLEASE PLEASE** **PLEASE** **PLEASE** **PLEASE** **blare Public Service Announcement by Eminem when Galloway is here!**

-Especially our revised version!

 **Rule #162**

 **No, Wheeljack** **cannot make you a little bubble to get away from people/bots**

-He's under strict orders from Ratchet

-Trust me

-I've tried

 **Rule #163**

 **The bots get a wash everyday**

-I do not care if you disagree

-It _will_ happen

-They _will_ get cleaned

-Or I _will_ park my foot so far up your aft that you taste shoe for the rest of existence

 **Rule #164**

 **All are encouraged to watch Secret Tree Fort's video 'I Got Beat Up At Bible Camp!'**

-It won't aid us with anything

-It's just hilarious

-I sent Megatron a link for fun one day too

-He thought it was a riot apparently

-Yup

 **Rule #165**

 **Do tattoo/paint/draw Cybertronian** **symbols on my arms!**

-I will keep them!

-The former is your best bet though

-They force me to shower eventually, after all

 **Rule #166**

 **If you find a giant box, please give it to Em, her sister, Annabelle or me**

-They're fun to play in

-'Bee and Blue love to in holoform too

-It's adorable

 **Rule #167**

 **Always keep Bumblebee and Bluestreak happy**

-Seeing them sad breaks anyone and everyone/bot's spark/heart

-Even the former 'cons

 **Rule #168**

 **'Bee and 'Cade have no beef**

-They get along really good actually

 _ **Author's Note: Kinda**_ _**sucks as usual, but this is sadly an edited chapter. Kinda**_ _**depressing.**_

 _ **So, I've been thinking. Do you all want me to make a chapter about all my OC's? It's probably**_ _**getting pretty confusing. Feel free to leave a comment telling me to do so if you all want me to. Otherwise, I'll probably just keep on truckin'.**_

 _ **Hope you all enjoyed! :)**_


	9. Chapter 9

**SURPRISE! I've been waiting for this rule! Heehee.**

 **Disclaimer: We all already know TF isn't mine. Public Service Announcement is from my beloved childhood artist Eminem. All kudos goes to him. I just switched up some of the words to make it a Cybertronian** **version. As such, I stake ZERO claim of his song. Thanks :).**

 **Rule #161**

 **PLEASE PLEASE** **PLEASE** **PLEASE** **PLEASE** **blare Public Service Announcement by Eminem when Galloway is here!**

-Especially our revised version!

 _This is another public service announcement_

 _Brought to you, in part, by Sides' Shady_

 _(Tell 'em_ _I don't give a frag)_

 _Sides' Shady does not give a frag what you think_

 _(Tell 'em_ _to suck it)_

 _If you don't like it, you can suck his fragging spike_

 _(Tell 'em_ _they kissed my aft)_

 _Little did you know, upon purchasing this album, you have just kissed his aft_

 _(Tell 'em_ _I'm fed up)_

 _Sides' Shady is fed up with your slag, and he's going to offline you_

 _Uh... anything else?_

 _Yeah... sue me!_


	10. Chapter 10

**Heya, guys. Yeah, I haven't given up-** _ **yet.**_ **This thing was actually supposed to be up** _ **days**_ **ago, but I'm a slacker and- when I tried to last night- my laptop was being super slow so I didn't get to then- like I was planning- either. No excuse, just stating the facts.**

 **THANKS A BILLION TO EVERYONE THAT'S COMMENTED, FAVORITED, FOLLOWED, READ, AND WHATEVER ELSE THERE MAY BE! IT REALLY IS APPRECIATED, AND YES, I'LL PROBABLY REPEAT THAT EVERY NEW UPDATE.**

 **To gc: Thanks so much! Sorry for the super late response.** **And I'll try my best ;)**

 _ **Chapter 9**_

 **Rule #169**

 **Yes, Barricade and Prowl are brothers**

-Don't ask again please

 **Rule #170**

 **Again, I don't dress up**

-Ever

-Even for funerals

-I'll wear a tank top, some kind of cover thingy, and some skinny jeans

-That's dressy for me

-Lennox still resents this

-Prowl hates it

 **Rule #171**

 **Don't add onto the base**

-Or anything else major like that

-Ask

 **Rule #172**

 **Only one bot is allowed to monitor the pool**

-Red Alert

- **Only one person is allowed to input the chemicals**

-Emmy Rose

-Don't even /try/ to defy this

 **Rule #173**

 **Make a pact to break every rule?**

-Great

-Just know you'll be discovered, thrown in the brig for a year, and cast away to the loneliest sector imaginable if you're a human soldier

-I ain't sittin' here thinkin' these up fo' you ta break 'em!

-Hence mah Jazz Accent joinin' in

 **Rule #174**

 **No, we cannot steal Bolt off the movie Bolt**

-Even if he is adorable

 **Rule #175**

 **We are not a tv show**

-Quit watching Bolt!

 **Rule #176**

 **No, we can't 'borrow' Sticky Joe**

 **-** (The old smelly guy off Teen Titans Go!)

-Don't growl at me on this rule

-*Glares at aforementioneds*

 **Rule #177**

 **PLEASE fill Emmers' quarters with stuffed animals!**

-It makes her so beyond happy

 **Rule #178**

 **If you throw snow at a 'con, be prepared for them to retaliate**

-They won't hesitate

 **Rule #179**

 **Please please** **please** **please** **please** **please** **please** **PLEASE** **PLEASE** **PLEASE** **PLEASE** **PLEASE** **PLEASE** **PLEASE** **complain to the TV people about how many commercials are shown**

-If you- **cough** SideswipeSkywarpBlackout **cough-** drive them crazy enough, they reduce them

 **Rule #180**

 **We don't go out much**

-Being a literal ARMY and all

-But when we do?

-We go to a bar

-Not alcohol flying

-But somewhere like Shoney's or Ryan's

-Please behave

-We're all adults

-Except for three people

-Annabelle and two random base kids

 **Rule #181**

 **I ain't** **ya'll's** **waitress**

-But if you leave stuff laying out, my instincts will kick in

-After a while of you purposely leave a bunch of stuff laying out, I'll leave it to you all though

 **Rule #182**

 **Sunstreaker's' clothes have to match while in holoform**

-He's OCD about it

-Primus forbid one color be incorrect

 **Rule #183**

 **Be careful eating chicken** **wings around Ratchet**

-He watches you like a hawk

-Even bone out ones

-Like what the frag?

 **Rule #184**

 **No Side-by-Sides**

-They're useless around here

-And I can't stand them

 **Rule #185**

 **Four wheeler's are allowed**

-Don't complain

 **Rule #186**

 **Don't give in**

-To Sideswipe

-Annabelle

-The bratty kid across base

-The snobby pipsqueak two doors away from them

-Or anyone else

-Sides' is Sides'

-Annabelle doesn't ask for much

-(Thank the AllSpark)

-The brat gets what she wants too much

-And the snob needs to be taught a lesson

-Don't give in to anybody/bot else either

 **Rule #187**

 **Yes, the browning symbol looks like the Predacon** **insignia**

\- (Is it just me?)

-Don't shoot at every one you see

 **Rule #188**

 **Parents of kids:**

-No one will watch your child

-Annabelle is the only exception

-She behaves

-The other two?

-Pit no!

-Don't come yelling at me in offense

-Anyone will agree

-Don't let those munchkin's run around reeking havoc either

-You can and will be removed

-This is a MILITARY BASE, after all

 **Rule #189**

 **No, Wheeljack** **cannot make you a wand like on Harry Potter**

-Ratchet refuses

-:(

 **Rule #190**

 **The Daemon Ritus** **is to never be created**

-Wheeljack!

-Starscream!

 **Rule #191**

 **No sacrifices**

-Even Sides' when he's being annoying

-You know you'll miss him

 _ **Author's Note: Kudos to whoever knows what #190 is off of.**_

 _ **Hope you all enjoyed! :)**_


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi, guys! Yeah, I'm back. Sorry it keeps taking forever, I have no real excuse. I'm trying to update more frequently though, I really am. I'm doing it weekly-ish** **at least. Usually.**

 **THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO'S COMMENTED, FAVORITED, FOLLOWED, READ, AND ANYTHING ELSE I MANAGED TO FORGET! WE HIT OVER 1,000 VIEWS! I'M SO EXCITED :D**

 _ **Chapter 10**_

 **Rule #192**

 **No fans in the halls**

-They'll get stomped on

 **Rule #193**

 **Mirage, please don't disengage your cloak randomly**

-It scares the shiz out of people/bots

-Me especially

 **Rule #194**

 _ **(A)**_ **I don't wear dresses or skirts**

-Period

 **Rule #195**

 _ **(B)**_ **I don't wear makeup**

-Exclamation point

 **Rule #196**

 **No Disney World, Universal Studios, etc**

-Unless you're paying

 **Rule #197**

 **We are allowed to go to fairs**

-Not all of us at once, of course

-But individually

-The bots love it

 **Rule #198**

 **If you want food and they aren't serving, then** **get it yourself**

-No exceptions

-And any messes, or immense food cost issues will be on you

 **Rule #199**

 **Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze**

-Colds spread like wildfire around here

 **Rule #200**

 **Don't yell "*insert*** **for everyone!" and not deliver**

-That's just screwed

 **Rule #201**

 _ **NEVER**_ **call Michaelā** **a glitch**

-Or anyone/bot else

-The chick takes it personally

-She's really super duper nice

-Until angered

-You have been warned

 **Rule #202**

 **Biting, hitting, scratching, etc** **are prohibited**

-Ya'll aren't three

 **Rule #203**

 **Listen to Annabelle if she's giving you a 'stern' 'lecture'**

-They're completely harmless

-And adorable

 **Rule #204**

 **The bots are fascinated with lightning bugs**

-Even Mirage and Sunstreaker

-The only ones that will touch them are Prowl and Hound though

 **Rule #205**

 **The bots like thunderstorms**

-As long as they are inside

 **Rule #206**

 **No using female holoforms** **to grope yourself or anyone else**

-I'm not even putting a label

 **Rule #207**

 **Don't say, "I'll lay the smack down on your candy aft!" in front of Prowl**

-He glitches

 **Rule #208**

 **Don't 'sing' the 'I Have No Life!' song**

-'I got nu life, I got nu life and no one can say othawise! I got nu life I got nu life and no one can say slag!

-It's a really repetitive song Sam, Emmy and I made

-We were really bored

-Michaelā was soooo mad

 **Rule #209**

 **Do not play 'Underground' by Tom Waits over the intercom**

-It's disturbing to all who haven't watched Robots

 **Rule #210**

 **Don't watch the movie Robots around the bots**

-They find it insulting

 **Rule #211**

 **I'll never wear a bikini**

-Ever

-I won't even wear a bathing suit

-Yeah

-A tank top and pair of basketball shorts will be the most you're getting

 **Rule #212**

 **Don't wake Ravage up if she's sprawled out in recharge**

-Femme got claws

-She will use them

-Can show you my scars

 **Rule #213**

 **Gangland is a strict Pit no**

-Spazzes Red out

 **Rule #214**

 **You can make sand castles but no contests**

-Too many injuries

 **Rule #215**

 **The movie 8 Mile is banned**

-I haven't even watched it

-This is fraggin' screwed

-(Ratchet: Language.)

-(Me: Of all the times I've cursed, you choose now?)

-(Ratchet: *slings wrench*)

 **Rule #216**

 **Mallow dogs** **are a strict no**

-Hey, I've never had them so don't blame me on this one

 **Rule #217**

 **No portable toilet seats**

-I'm not even going there

 **Rule #218**

 **Don't purposefully get in front of moving vehicles (bots included)**

-You will be thrown in the brig for two months, put on monitor duty and set on three week long patrols

-After being subjected to Ratchets 'tender mercies' of course

-It's not fun, trust me

 **Rule #219**

 **No fake food**

-Not after Epps- somehow- ate a not-real apple

-Ratchet doesn't like pumping stomachs

 **Rule #220**

 **Please remember 911's number**

-It's the most stupidest thing you could forget

 **Rule #221**

 **No bots in the humans' shower/washrooms**

-Unless it's an absolute emergency

 **Rule #222**

 **If** **Galloway (or anyone else) starts complaining about his/their paycheck, hand them a penny**

-He gets mad

-Others just smirk

-Then laugh

 **Rule #223**

 **Be careful with your laundry**

-The dryer is sentient

-He will destroy all your clothes if you're mean

-And he's the sweetest

-His designation is Preheat

-(Epps named him)

-We're trying to find a sentient washer

 _ **Author's Note: So, explanation time:**_

 _ **#216 is curtesy of the show Duck Dynasty. They've ate those on there and are the ones that made this idea sprout.**_

 _ **#217 also happens to be an idea from that show.**_

 _ **#222 and others: Yeah, I really just hate Galloway lol.**_

 _ **And #223: Any and all- as of yet- sparklings/younglings- unless I'm**_ _**forgetting someone(s)- are minor characters I thought of randomly. They're like the Nokia, XBox, etc**_ _**from the first Bayverse**_ _**movie that**_ _**were brought to life. They won't have a whole lot of appearances, but they do have some scattered here and there. Just thought I'd clear that up.**_

 _ **Wow, this was a long A/N. Compared to usually, anyways.**_

 _ **Anyways, hope ya'll**_ _**enjoyed! :)**_


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey, guys. Guess who's late again.**

 **THANK YOU SO SO** **SO** **SO** **SOOOOO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO HAS READ THIS THING, REVIEWED, FAVORITED, FOLLOWED, WHATEVER!**

 _ **Chapter 11**_

 **Rule #224**

 **Be nice to Preheat**

-He is the nicest bot ever

-Whenever he's not busy, he likes to follow Wheeljack, Ratchet or Michaelā around

-Which is adorable

-Jackie enjoys the company

-Ratchet doesn't even _dare_ throw him out of the medbay

-And Michaelā absolutely _adores_ him

-(The two hang out a lot)

 **Rule #225**

 **Barricade, Blackout, Bonecrusher, Scorponok, Starscream, Thundercracker, Skywarp, Soundwave and the cassettes did NOT 'go on strike' when they abandoned the Decepticon** **cause**

-They _**defected**_ , idiots

-Sometimes I really do question people

 **Rule #226**

 **Make sure Optimus, Bumblebee, Bluestreak, Jazz, Wheeljack, Sideswipe, Ratchet, Michaelā, Mikaela, Emily, Lennox, Epps, Annabelle, Sarah, Logan and Arcee** **are around when we put up and decorate the huge aft tree for Christmas**

 **Rule #227**

 **Galloway is not allowed on base on holidays**

-No exceptions

 **Rule #228**

 **No, you cannot run around in just- top wise, or otherwise-** **your sports bras**

-That counts as 'revealing'

-Michaelā, Mikaela, Jazlyn, Mariah

-A for effort, though

-(Go beat up Prowl. He had me put this)

 **Rule #229**

 **Don't ask if you can get hypothermia from pop cans**

-Bots will glitch

 **Rule #230**

 **No, you cannot live solely on ham and cheese sandwiches**

-I've tried

-Ratchet gets mad

-Michaelā rants

 **Rule #231**

 **Crying over movies with animals (especially dogs) that die is not stupid!**

-NEVER say that it is around seven particular chicks

-Michaelā

-Mikaela

-Jazlyn

-Mariah

-Marlyn

-Emmy

-Me

-You will lose something precious

-Like your face

 **Rule #232**

 **Battle Ship is allowed only if you don't take it too far**

-I will not continue to buy the game after the seventh time

 **Rule #233**

 **Some people/bots like water, some don't**

-Em does

-Sam doesn't

-Michaelā loves it

-Soundwave hates it

-Please be weary of this fact

 **Rule #234**

 **No dunking/dumping water in/on Ravage**

-When she comes to me soaking wet and looking miserable, it's not hard to figure out what happened

-I will calmly hunt you down and you will be tossed into the brig

-Soundwave will on the latter that is

-He lets me pick how long you're in there too!

-Heehee

 **Rule #235**

 **No employee of the month plaques or awards**

-Sideswipe

-All I'm gonna say

 **Rule #236**

 **No, you cannot house fishies** **in the pool**

-Ratchet had me put this so don't look at me

 **Rule #237**

 **No fishies** **period**

-Again, I was forced to type this

 **Rule #238**

 **Please call Optimus 'Opti' if you are under the age of ten**

-It's adorable

-And Prime gets a big kick out of it

 **Rule #239**

 _ **(A)**_ **You are prohibited from making mutagen**

-Doesn't matter who you are

 **Rule #240**

 _ **(B)**_ **You can, however, make non-people/bot-changing goo if you don't get it everywhere**

-Ask Em or her sister how

-It's really fun actually

 **Rule #241**

 **No light up shoes**

-They hurt people's eyes

-And are distracting

 **Rule #242**

 _ **(A)**_ **No, you cannot make a portal- OR ANYTHING ELSE!-** **that'll transport** **you over so you can** **work with Donnie** **from TMNT**

-Sorry, buddy

 **Rule #243**

 _ **(B)**_ **That goes for anybody else**

 **Rule #244**

 **No homeless cute fluffy villain bunnies**

-We watched Life of Pets...

 **Rule #245**

 **No walking in on humans when they are brushing their teeth**

-Too many bots have panicked at seeing us with white foaming out of our mouths

 **Rule #246**

 **''*Insert name* wanna** **cracker?'' is NOT a motivation to get people to eat**

-I have no idea where you all got this from

 **Rule #247**

 **Keep your hair off Barricade's seats when you're in his alt mode**

-Sorry, 'Cade...

-It's just difficult when it goes to mid-back

-I have to hold it to the side and not sit back when I ride with him

-Course, it's an automatic thing anymore

-I don't really notice usually

 **Rule #248**

 **No setting up food stands**

-Sideswipe, Lennox, Epps, Sam, Michaelā , me

-Course, they did make a good profit

-I was there to set up, give stuff out and to get us energon/drinks after about two hours

-It was pretty fun

-Until Galloway came by, looked, noticed it was us, then started yelling at us

-I sucker punched him

-In the no mans land

-And women's

-(If ya know what ah mean)

 **Rule #249**

 **No going to the store, buying a bunch of food, clothes, etc** **and setting up a stand**

-We made a killer

-It was again Sideswipe, Sam, Michaelā , Lennox, Epps and me

-This time Jazlyn, Mariah and Em helped out as well

-We sold everything

-And there was probably five hundred dollars worth of stuff

-All proceeds went to helping around base

-Optimus and Prowl were proud

-I really don't know why it's even banned

-Probably Galloway

-In that case, ignore this rule

-Prowl said this is the only exception though

-We'll see

 **Rule #250**

 **The rules of the outside world(s) still apply**

-Don't think that 'cause we're in the middle of nowhere that you can do whatever you want

 **Rule #251**

 **Don't go on strike**

-One of the bots will throw you in the ocean

-Human, Cybertronian, etc

 **Rule #252**

 **Don't throw someone/bot in the ocean**

-We can't afford the psyche evaluations

-Ratchet doesn't want to preform them, that is

-(He had his own choice reasons why, but I'll leave it up to you guys to fill in the gaps)

 **Rule #253**

 **Don't go around asking, "what's up, doc?" a gazillion times**

-It gets annoying after awhile

-And Ratchet will deck you

-No wrench means he's serious

-It's adorable when Annabelle does it though

-"Wha' u', doc?" -How she greets all medics

 **Rule #254**

 **I'm not allowed to watch The Duff**

-All I said was I relate to Bianca

-Next thing I know, this rule is set in place

 _ **Author's Note: There ya'll**_ _**go! Sorry it was late- as usual. It's been a crazy week.**_

 _ **Random 'cause**_ _**why not: I'm listening to System of a Down while typing this. Yep. Thought I'd inform you all. ;)**_

 _ **Hope ya'll**_ _**enjoyed!**_


	13. Chapter 13

**I AM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE! I started school Monday and it's been pretty crazy so I haven't really had time to even think about posting. Sorry!**

 **I'll try my** **best to keep up with updates,-** **I really want to keep posting, I truly do- but know that things are going to be slow for a while** **most likely.**

 **THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THAT'S PUT UP WITH ME THROUGHOUT THIS THING! FOR READING, REVIEW, FAVORITING, FOLLOWING, ETCETERA!**

 _ **Chapter 12**_

 **Rule #255**

 **Do not play 'Ice Ice** **Baby' around Megatron**

-He starts dancing

-I'm not joking

-I didn't know whether to laugh or cry

-Dear Primus but it was wondrous

 **Chapter #256**

 **I carry numerous weapons with me**

-And will not hand them over unless 'Cade or Optimus himself ask me to

-The former since he's my guardian

-The latter since he's Prime and, well, he's Optimus

-'Nough said honestly

 **Rule #257**

 **No one but the bots are allowed to handle, poke, blow air on, wield or do anything else to my weapons**

-Ironhide, Chromia, Wheeljack, Ratchet and/or I had a servo/hand in making them

-Depending on which one

-They are some of the most precious things I own

-Right up there with my music, reading material and stories

 **Rule #258**

 **Don't hide peoples' chargers**

-They're a pain in the aft to find

-And Em and I share one

-I've been meaning to get another one for like three months but keep forgetting

-Stupid memory of a peanut..

 **Rule #259**

 **No chainsaws**

-Too many almost casualties

No DIY projects off Pinterest or anything

-It really just doesn't work out

-And Wheeljack gets too many ideas

 **Rule #260**

 **ThreadBanger** **is NOT banned**

-As long as you watch it alone and behind steel doors

-(Check, triple check, quadruple check, triple check again, then one more time to make sure nobody/bot is around though.)

 **Rule #261**

 **No fishies**

-(Yes, I act like I'm two)

-They all end up being flushed

-And I can't stand Bumblebee, Bluestreak, Wheeljack and Hound's depressed expressions

-We have a fish anyways

-A Cybertronian one that is

-Her name is Trone

-She lives in either the giant tank I set up, in somebots quarters- she goes back and forth between different bots- or the pool

-Only if a lot of people aren't in there though

 **Rule #262**

 **Yes, we have a lot of sparklings/younglings running around**

-Deal with it

-The AllSpark created dozens of them in Mission City apparently

-We were finding them at least once a week for a while there

-Probably gonna have to extend the base at this point...

 **Rule #263**

 **Trone** _ **can**_ **go without being in water**

-Don't panic if you see her flopping down the hall

-Or walking

-She is Cybertronian after all

-(Her bipedal form is awesome)

 **Rule #264**

 **DON'T EXTEND THE BASE WITHOUT PERMSSION**

-I know it's getting kind of crowded but still

-I find it quite ridiculous you had a crane shipped in so you could knock a wall in

-If you find it that bad, then, I don't know, TELL SOMEONE

-Wheeljack has his own place behind base

-You can too if need be!

-Primus above

 **Rule #265**

 **No shooting birds**

-Whether they drop a deus on you

-Fly overhead and scare the slag out of you

-Won't shut the frag up

-Whatever

-Hound won't be happy

-You do NOT want that

 **Rule #266**

 **Keep Sideswipe away from Popsicles**

-He will engulf them all

-He and Em had a contest one time to see who could eat the most

-Spoiler Alert: Miminem won

 **Rule #267**

 **Comparing hands garners some pretty strange looks**

-Comparing hands and servo's is just depressing

 **Rule #268**

 **We are not allowed to paint the base**

-Em and I were bored, okay?

-We weren't graffitiing it or anything

-We were just going to paint it camo

-Do you know how much of a pain in the butt it is to do that?

-Several colors that you have to sort accordingly

-I ain't too skilled in that

-Red ended up telling Prowl, who got ticked and stormed out to yell at us

-Then I got mad at him griping at Em

-The brig and I were acquainted for the rest of the day

-Along with the floor since my fist had a complaint...

-Painting with broken fingers isn't fun

-Yeah, I had to paint the base back

-Then Ratchet ended up learning about my hand

-A week in the medbay

-I was not a happy camper during this time

-Neither was he

 **Rule #269**

 **The slightest pained sound or expression garners either a look or trip to the medbay** **from Ratchet**

-No matter how small

-Especially if you are, indeed, a fleshy organic being

-Resistance is futile

-Really, just don't even try

 **Rule #270**

 **Quit stealing my belt!**

-This has been happening for the last three months

-THREE!

-I _always_ wear it when I have on jeans

-Meaning: everyday

-There is a sure fire reason for that

-Nobody wants to see mah junk

-(Twins don't count)

-Please PLEASE for the love of cheese fries give it back

-And no, I'm not buying another one!

-It /will/ turn up eventually

-Of that I promise

-My vengeance shall be quick and excruciatingly painful

-*grins maliciously*

 **Rule #271**

 **No waving lighters around**

-Most bots don't know what it means

-I'll give you a hint: the situation ends badly for all involved

 **Rule #272**

 **Dwayne Johnson is awesome**

-Whether on wrestling or in real life

-This is fact

-If you don't agree, then whatever

 **Rule #273**

 **If we're in a boat, then I'm not going to be social**

-Just a warning

-I'll more than likely be glued to a spot with my fingers leaving dents in the seat

-I don't like the ocean

-Or, what's in it to be precise

-At. All

 **Rule #274**

 **You tell Bluestreak to shut up and I use you for target practice**

-I don't fraggin' care who the flip you are

-Oh, and Emily will be helping

-She doesn't train a lot

-Heheh

 **Rule #275**

 **Alright, let's set this straight so I can go to bed**

-It's like noon and I'm already done with life today

-I know you all don't really care

-Just bare with me please

-I haven't sleep in three weeks

-(Don't tell Ratchet)

-Here's the rule now:

-Bots on the left side of the hall, humans on the right

-Disobey and you die

-In the humans' case

-I don't care if you're on the rampage

-Stay. On. The. Correct. Side

-PLEEEAAASSEE

-Ugh, I'm gonna go pass out now

 **Rule #276**

 **Bluestreak is one of the best bots to read aloud**

-His natural curiosity and loquacity makes him perfect at it

-And it's super cute to see his optics light up in wonder and excitement

-Em and I sit back and chill while he reads a book aloud a lot

-So does Annabelle

-The two together are absolutely adorable

 **Rule #277**

 **Do not be alarmed if you see Michaelā** **squeal, dart forward and- gently- tackle Annabelle in a hug**

-It's the way they greet one another

-Ironhide, Sarah, Lennox and Chromia are completely aware and don't mind

-They know she'd never hurt her

-Michaelā just loves kids

-Same with Jazlyn

-She's just not dramatic about it like her

 _ **Author's Note: Well, that was pathetically short.**_

 _ **ThreadBanger**_ _**is a YouTube channel that I really like.**_

 _ **Hope you all enjoyed!**_


	14. Chapter 14

OH MY MATRIX IN THE PIT I'M SO SORRY, GUYS! THIS SHOULD'VE BEEN UP WEEEKKSSSS AGO! Sorry sorry sorry sorry SOOOOORRRYYYYYYYY!

THANKS BUUUUNCHESSSSS AND BUUUUUUNNCHEEESSS TO EVERYONE THAT'S REVIEWED, READ, FOLLOWED, FAVORITED, STUCK AROUND THIS THING, ENDURED MY CHAOTICNESS, ETCETERA THIS STORY! BY PRIMUS, IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!

(Quick side note that I really should've made at the start of this thing: The rating is there for a reason. There is language,- even if it is Cybertronian curses- things mentioned that people may find offensive, innuendos, and this is WAR, afterall. It ain't all sunshine and roses, despite the more relaxed vibes I've written this in; They're battling it out against the Decepticons and all other foes along the way. I just wanted to clear that up. Sorry that I haven't mentioned this sooner.)

Chapter 13

Rule #278

Jazlyn is not a touchy feely person or a hugger

-AT ALL

-She's kind of like Sunstreaker in that regard

-Just without the disgust

-Sometimes

-If you do hug her and she doesn't dislike and/or hate you, she will return it

-Just awkwardly

-Just warning ya'll

Rule #279

Don't do the Cinnamon Challenge

-Please

Rule #280

Don't say any type of statement pertaining to drinking bleach

-Bots get mad

-When they learn what the outcome is

-Michaelā goes on a rampage to end all rampages

-(Not that I'd know personally about all this...)

Rule #281

Quit ticking Bonecrusher off

-You know who calms him down when you all decide it's 'let's see who can make 'Crusher the maddest day!'?

-Me

-Or Barricade

-Or Blackout

-Calming him down is like taming Megatron

-Laughable

Rule #282

Leave Soundwave alone if he's in a bad mood

-If you can't tell if he is, then ask your local 'Wave readers

-(Mikaela, Michaelā, the cassettes, Logan, Epps, Logan, Em, Optimus, LOGAN or me)

-The poor mech overworks waaaay too much

-I'm forced to recruit help to drag him off on an almost daily basis

Rule #283

If you overwork, then I WILL drag you away

-Funny coming but me, but still

-If i can get Optimus and Ratchet to take a break, then I can you

Rule #284

Don't get on a plane or anyone/thing that flies and yell "SPACESHIP!" enthusiastically every two seconds

-It gets annoying after the twentieth time

-I'll give you credit if you know what this is off of though

Rule #285

Don't tick off Jazlyn

-She can and will kick your aft

Rule #286

Son of Zorn isn't banned!

-I've fell in love

-If you don't like the show, then ignore me

-'Cause I will watch it every Sunday

-Or I will travel to Lennox, Sam or Mikaela's house

-I don't care either way

Rule #287

Don't lay on the ground and start flailing your legs

-It may have worked for Alangulon off Son of Zorn, but not in real life

Rule #288

Don't wage war on another sector 'cause they took something

-I swear letting ya'll watch Zorn with me was the worst mistake ever

Rule #289

Don't go around singing Zorn's song

-It gets annoying

-And got stuck in my head for three weeks

-All it was was "Zorn Zorn" over and over and over and over and over again

Rule #290

The Five Strike Sumerian Death Punch is banned

-No exploding heads pleeeeassee

-No Four Strike Sumerian Death Punch either!

-(...For the record though, it does work)

Rule #291

Don't fill someone's drink with blood- or anything else- if they tick you off

-That isn't even right

-And blood tastes gross

Rule #292

Quit. Stealing. My. Earbuds

-Do you want to be decapitated?

-Music is one of the few things that keeps me semi-sane

-You do not want to see me music deprived

-I make Harley Quinn seem straight in the head

Rule #293

Saying "excuse me for not knowing all the crimes in all the world" doesn't get you out of trouble

-Sides' tried

-And failed

Rule #294

Try not to moon people/bots

-If you're the latter, don't ask what that means please

-It's for your own good

-Just try

-I'll give you credit for effort

Rule #295

Please stop waiting for a lightning storm, then rush out so you can announce your designation dramatically

-Sideswipe

-If I have to repair you 'cause you got struck one more time, I'm sleeping in the medbay for a month

-Ratchet will let me

-He'd monitor the hours I snooze, but still!

Rule #296

This is a cigarette, tobacco, drug, etc free place

-You can't have them in or around here

-Period

-Have a problem with that?

-Consult our friendly CMO

-He's the one that had me put this

-I'm with him though

Rule #297

Please stop putting Kool Aid and stuff in the pool

-It may be cool when you're swimming around and such

-But not to clean

Rule #298

Hound

-It's cool that you can project holograms and everything, but could you- please- I dunno, warn a person?

-I've nearly had a heart attack... eleven times this week

-(And the one of Megatron will get you shot if you're not careful)

Watch your middle finger(s)

-Annabelle does /not/ need to pick that up

Rule #299

A) QUIT HACKING MY PHONE TO SCREW WITH MY READING MATERIAL!

-Seriously, I think I had a conniption and mental breakdown all in one

Rule #300

B) QUIT HACKING OUR PHONES!

-Please, guys

Rule #301

Don't pants people just for the heck of it

-*Shudder*

-A random soldier did it to Galloway for slags and giggles

-I shall never be able to see again

-Assorted humans and bots: Agreed

Rule #302

If you snap at Optimus or any of the other bots, or my human family, you will most likely end in a bloody mass

-It is natural for us to get fed up at times, and I myself have a terrible temper, but at least try to reign yourself in

-They all have their own stresses to deal with and I've watched too much tv and read too many stories to not know that it doesn't end well

-And if you go off on Optimus?

-Well, I'm not too forgiving

-And have the code to the weapons room memorized

Rule #303

You can only play Hot Lava if you clean up afterwards

-Alright, so Annabelle was bored and I was watching her with the twins- who were being slackers and watching tv- in the Rec Room

-We'd started out by playing Go Fish, Connect Four, Candy Land and several other games, but got tired of them within ten minutes

-I was trying to think- hilarious I know- of some kind of game when it hit me

-Em, Elissa- my cousins for those of you that don't know- and I would use the hallway leading back to their room or connecting back to the kitchen or living room to throw down their assorted books- sometimes pillows- and play for hours when I stayed there pretty often as a kid

-Immediately after the memories played through my mind, I'd practically jumped up and sprinted through the base- Annie in tow- to gather up our makeshift lava retardants

-Thirty minutes later, we were leaving a trail from Optimus' office,- once I asked him for permission- leading all the way to the main hanger, back towards the medbay, and looping back around the entire area

-At some point, several humans and bots joined until practically all the bots, Michaelā, Mikaela, Sam, Mariah, Marlyn, Lennox, Sarah, Annabelle,- of course- Jazlyn, Logan, and Epps were playing

-It was glorious

-And lasted about ten hours

-All of us were exhausted afterwards and waited 'til the next day to declare the winner

-Em is still the raining champ

Rule #304

We are never to speak of the cow incident

-(Outside of this rule)

-So, we were visiting the Lennox's land

-(Keep in mind this was before we were shipped to Diego Garcia)

-Anyways, it was Lennox, Epps, Sam, Mikaela, Optimus, Jazz, Ratchet, Ironhide, Bumblebee, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker and me

-Optimus, Ratchet, Ironhide and I decided to head off to the field where the Lennox's small herd was for some reason or another that I can't remember

-To put it simply, one of the mom cows got ticked off with Optimus and started chasing him

-It took us two hours to save the poor mech

-Partially 'cause of the cow, partially 'cause we were laughing our afts off

-Sorry, Prime

Author's Note: There she is after for-fragging-ever! Hope ya'll enjoyed and sorry again it took me so long to post!


End file.
